is it? should it be that way or this way? answers anyone?

wondering and guessing make me sick.
what is so is so, what is not is not.

why can be not answered or not known or middle?

sometimes i think too much.

then i only do what is best for others and not myself.

i would try to understand their situation and give reason for them to hurt just so.

den i would try to forgive them by ignoring my own sadness in heart.

after awhile, the sadness cannot be repressed and it just floads up automaticaly.

then i hate myself being nice to others and not myself.

everytime oso like that.

not one time im selfish.

im actualy not prasing myself.

i am scolding myself.

having conflict.

and dunno why the angel side always win.

i think the thing is, i dun not dare to hurt anyone but myself.

haiz...